I’m in, I’m in the movement…I just don’t know where I fit in.  Typically, the end part of this registration asked where I can be of use, what skills do I have? Well, none! I’m the ‘just like to help out’ kind, nothing to offer i’m fraid.

my head has spun and spun since awakening.  taking the red pill.  but then it spun and spun before.  at least now I feel like… … … cant think of the word, or phrase. again typical of me.  always got something good to say, just cant find the words.  so that’s another gem lost for ever. until the next time I think of it.  and try to say it. 

– nothing –

– nothing –

– look up, my landing – 

 Ellerbisms.  I have to give that book another go. its what brought me to doing whatever it is im writing about on here in the first place.  gave me the confidence.  My psychology teacher once said to the class that confidence doesn’t really exist.  I never really quite got that, but then I thought he was hitting on a girl I liked in the class so I perhaps I didn’t want to really listen to him.  i’m glad that obsession has gone now.  don’t like to think about it, weird time. not fair on my family.

I wonder if this is the sort of thing The Rules was hoping for when they began? I doubt it very much. all the other blog headings about climate change, austerity, discovering within sound really smart and like they’ll be actually helpful to the new world.  but then they also sound pretentious and like blah, blah. but this is a horrible thing to say about peoples efforts. is this even pretentious? probably.  I don’t know how to tell the difference. but I do know how it feels when I have read something that touches me. like this from Eckhart

“people don’t realise that now is all there ever is, there is no past or future except as memory or anticipation in your mind”

a universal truth. 

A work colleague asked me if I believed in God today.  hes an intellectual, recently been promoted, now kind of my boss.  I got the impression that he was a bit afraid to ask, normally sticks to safe subjects: football, mental health, learning disabilities, managing bloody staff. has no idea I have relentlessly studied all things mindfulness and waking up for the past two years. 

“i believe there is an infinite creative force that generates all concoiusness and all matter and that we are allconnected, and that if you get in alignment with this stuff you can be beautiful”. I said to him.  I saw the moment of divinity register. beautiful. 

 “bloody hell, did you just make that up”

of course I didn’t, i have been practising it over again in my mind. I couldn’t tell him it was Russell Brand because I didn’t want to lose him.  but I didn’t like taking the credit

I read in Nao of Brown a bit about if people are being unpleasant its because they are hurting inside and we should always remember this.  please people, remember this of me and ill try and do the same for you.